The Shadow of Infidelity and Worthlesness

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In relationships, it seems that for a lot of people, after the butterflies wear off, the relationship sucks. Commitment begins to feel like an obligation, and instead of being honest, getting real, and telling their partner how they really feel, they have the option of taking a seemingly easier route -thus the term cheating- and achieve instant gratification for either all the emptiness they feel in the relationship, or out of spite. Then, they can choose to hide it if they don’t want to lose their partner, which can then further a lack of intimacy. Not everyone cheats when the relationship sucks, and in very rare cases for some people the relationship is going smoothly with the rose tint, yet people still cheat because of a heavily driven promiscuous nature. Some long term relationships can recover from infidelity when they can get real and heal with each other, and that’s cool too, but sometimes for the victim, cheating crosses the line enough for them to leave. They have hung in there because they would do anything for that person, but when they get cheated on, it helps them move away from an unhealthy one sided relationship…  they are spending the currency of pain to buy out a long drawn misery. Its a blessing in disguise to help them to heal hidden parts of themselves, and move on to a better relationship.

Most relationships suck because most of the world has not learn’t how to deal with their shit. Most of the world is projecting their unconscious shit on each other. Basically, we are all shitting on each other. The beauty is though, this is the very thing that helps us heal for the relationships and things that we actually want. We can even alchemize our current relationships, but only we will know when the time is right to move on. Whatever arises in us from infidelity, whether its worthlessness, rage, insecurity, and jealousy, if we let it come up fully from the shadows, and increase in awareness and heal it, only then do we no longer need to keep experiencing demonic heat seeking sociopaths searching out our triggers. This doesn’t mean you are immune from ever getting hurt again, but when we can let love into those dark parts of ourselves, we bring in people who harmonize with that healing, and when certain feelings like worthlessness are healed and integrated with worth, the lesson of cheating or betrayal isn’t as relevant to that aspect of yourself, and therefore less needed. Who can push the button if there isn’t a button to push? In some ways, infidelity is just the icing on the cake of the shadow trauma within ourselves and with others. It takes time and persistence to heal. Sometimes the same thing can happen repetitively for us to become more and more aware, and sometimes we might want to take more time alone in between relationships when we ask ourselves, “why do I keep attracting the same type of person?”.  We can heal, and we can breakthrough to letting in relationships that fulfil our needs and wants. We can love again even after we have been fucked over or triggered countless times.

You see, one of the most beautiful things to witness, is someone who continues on in the face of opposition, and breaks through it:

He gets beaten down, over and over again, is out for the count, gives up, and then gets back in, even with the possibility of the same shit happening again. Some people might perceive it as stupidity, but in this case he is well aware of what he is doing, and each time he makes an attempt he comes from a place of greater insight and wisdom. He becomes courageous. He wants something worth while, and he has learn’t that it is okay for him to desire amazing things, and go for them as they meet him half way. He stopped struggling to go faster than he was meant to, as he realized many of the things that are worthwhile take more time than those that gratify us if only for a short while. He now gains balance in a gentle persistence and finds a way through. It was totally worth it, and ultimately he realized, that he was worth it. He developed a truer confidence from the depth of his low points. He didn’t ignore how the circumstances and challenges revealed how he felt inside, in fact they were the very things that propelled him to his goal. He had the heart to face himself and his challenges, and he found a way to break down the doors to let the fulfilment he desired pour into the pit of his worthlessness. He found a way to get what he wanted, and what he wanted found a way to get to him. It just took time, patience, and perseverance. Although at times it seemed like he gave up on himself, and the universe gave up on him, in the bigger picture, he never really did, nor did the universe.

-Cody

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