So the pain you feel drives you completely insane, and makes you feel like a small demon is inside the chambers of your heart screaming and scratching at the soft walls with its overgrown black finger nails. What now you ask? Your experience tainted the whole concept of love as a strong cynicism waxes over your once bright mind. Your heart is black. Maybe a rebound might help. Ah yes, if you fuck someone else just like them, then you will be healed. Or perhaps numbed. Oh shit, nothing can seem to stop the feelings.
On the hero’s journey of love, what we sometimes forget is that we would encounter loves darkest challenge. The Universe says, “if you want something really incredible, its not going to be easy, most of the long-term relationships you see are people that settle, and that’s why they last so long and seem so easy. You chose a different path, you’ve got to face the enemy. I will give you enemies that you think are your closest allies. Narcissists offering negative connotation to the title of Prince or Princess. You will have to face them, perhaps many of them, in order to receive the treasure which you truly desire. This is the path of the champion”
Face the pain of the ex. The way it feels that they fuck other people, or became completely enamoured with someone else and jumped ship. The way it feels that they betrayed you, destroyed you, made you truly sick. Get angry, get dark, let fury burn your soul alive, let the pain break you apart. Go right into that feeling of the soft flesh of your heart searing, and the insanity of your mind. No matter how long it takes. On the other side is an even deeper more genuine love than you have ever experienced. All the shitty feelings they brought up, when you go through them, you are welcomed to the integration of their opposite, and the beautiful reflection in your reality when you break through it. The god and goddess you have been waiting for is on the other side of your broken heart.
When I was a young boy, I went to a fancy restaurant with my parents. There was an older man that my family did not know, having dinner with his wife. She was very beautiful, and he was a very sociable person in a way that had a characteristic charm. For some reason our family sat at the table with him. His very presence was a celebration, and I supposed we were naturally drawn to his infectious passion for life. He was fucking cool! He talked to me, and told me something that stood out in my mind, and something I will never forget. He said, “I love my job, and I love my wife. To get my job I kept knocking on the door. They said no, over and over, but I kept knocking. Eventually they said yes. And that’s how I got my wife as well. Just keep knocking, over and over, eventually you get it”.
Keep knocking on the door of love, keep getting your heart broken further and further. Go through that pain, deeper and deeper. Eventually you will knock on the right door, and not the one you find out wasn’t right later on.
Alone in his basement, the artist develops his technique. He learns to express his deepest thoughts and feelings upon a canvas which he has archived, kept secret, and locked away in a stronghold for which a key has been suppressed into its dungeon by his fear.
The fear is the feeling of exposure. The feeling of a spotlight shining brightly upon the naked truth of the artist. He is a full spectrum human, and not everything in his experience is a summer meadow draped in the glorious warmth of the sun. He is real and has become aware of a treacherous field of blood drenched thorns dimly lit by the moon. He has come to learn the depth of his self in all directions through his experience in his life and he is afraid of what others will think of the dark side.
He knows that when he is witness to honesty, he can feel its beauty, its realism, whether its light or dark. It hits him with the most genuine effect, and he doesn’t want to accept anything else into his existence either than that pure authenticity. He feels uncomfortable in the presence of a mask, and he has learned the difference between the expression of truth, and the unconscious complaints or the praise of a plastic happiness. He now looks behind the surface he was once allured by.
He exposes him self, as he has found a deeper acceptance for who he really is. Without reckless abandon, and with self-respect, he feels ready to allow people to think how they want to of him , even if its rejection, judgement, or criticism, because he knows that is necessary in order to allow those that truly connect with him into his life. He is encouraged and utterly motivated by those people. Even if a thousand eyes cant understand him, that one person who can see his truth makes it all worth it, and in time, others begin to step out of the shadows and see each other for their true value and worth.