So the pain you feel drives you completely insane, and makes you feel like a small demon is inside the chambers of your heart screaming and scratching at the soft walls with its overgrown black finger nails. What now you ask? Your experience tainted the whole concept of love as a strong cynicism waxes over your once bright mind. Your heart is black. Maybe a rebound might help. Ah yes, if you fuck someone else just like them, then you will be healed. Or perhaps numbed. Oh shit, nothing can seem to stop the feelings.
On the hero’s journey of love, what we sometimes forget is that we would encounter loves darkest challenge. The Universe says, “if you want something really incredible, its not going to be easy, most of the long-term relationships you see are people that settle, and that’s why they last so long and seem so easy. You chose a different path, you’ve got to face the enemy. I will give you enemies that you think are your closest allies. Narcissists offering negative connotation to the title of Prince or Princess. You will have to face them, perhaps many of them, in order to receive the treasure which you truly desire. This is the path of the champion”
Face the pain of the ex. The way it feels that they fuck other people, or became completely enamoured with someone else and jumped ship. The way it feels that they betrayed you, destroyed you, made you truly sick. Get angry, get dark, let fury burn your soul alive, let the pain break you apart. Go right into that feeling of the soft flesh of your heart searing, and the insanity of your mind. No matter how long it takes. On the other side is an even deeper more genuine love than you have ever experienced. All the shitty feelings they brought up, when you go through them, you are welcomed to the integration of their opposite, and the beautiful reflection in your reality when you break through it. The god and goddess you have been waiting for is on the other side of your broken heart.
When I was a young boy, I went to a fancy restaurant with my parents. There was an older man that my family did not know, having dinner with his wife. She was very beautiful, and he was a very sociable person in a way that had a characteristic charm. For some reason our family sat at the table with him. His very presence was a celebration, and I supposed we were naturally drawn to his infectious passion for life. He was fucking cool! He talked to me, and told me something that stood out in my mind, and something I will never forget. He said, “I love my job, and I love my wife. To get my job I kept knocking on the door. They said no, over and over, but I kept knocking. Eventually they said yes. And that’s how I got my wife as well. Just keep knocking, over and over, eventually you get it”.
Keep knocking on the door of love, keep getting your heart broken further and further. Go through that pain, deeper and deeper. Eventually you will knock on the right door, and not the one you find out wasn’t right later on.
Who can replace you? your beauty? The giant hole you left in my heart? who will replace it? Its not quite the same when I fill it with myself. I’m amazed that I have learnt how to do that, that I can fill my own cup, its a gift that I had no choice but to find, but who is going to fill it the way you did? Who is going to make me feel like I’m with the most beautiful girl in the world. The way I saw you, the way you were.
They better be pretty amazing. They better be exceptional. They better be perfect. I hope they are even better than perfect, and a million times better and more beautiful and unique than you, otherwise, I would be mad at you forever. I would hate you forever. I would be alone forever. How can I replace you?
Once we have found love and lost it, or have simply longed for it, we are challenged to live without it. Within the void, the separation, and the pain, we find something. We learn to fill our own cup. We find the eternal wellspring of source within our selves. It is one of the greatest gifts. Its the magical item the hero retrieves from the dark dungeon. Its amazing. Its as if the seal on the source of infinite creation was pricked with a pin, and its contents unabatedly spew forth from the centre of our inner depth. Then, we can be empty, because we know how to fill ourselves, we can empty ourselves. We can create the space for another to fill us, and we can express and pour the essence from our inexhaustible source into the other. Then, two cups can pour into each other and fill each other interdependently. And as the cups continue to expand to contain the overflowing spring, they grow so large as to combine in inter-being. It is actualized and realized over time, that they were always combined, it had only come to be known.